Listening as Yielding

     Much of the violence within our hearts and in our society comes from the desire to be in charge, to be first , to win.  We want to be the first in line whenever there is food, a sale,or a ticket to buy.  Some of us are always passing others on the highway to get to our exit as fast as we can, rather than falling back behind others in the exit lane.  In conversations we want to be in control, get in all we want to say, and make sure the outcome is what we planned . . . Frankly, we like being on top.
We tend to dominate.
     Listening is a powerful antidote to this desire to dominate.  When we  listen carefully, we let go of our own agenda and focus on others.  We do not hurriedly craft our response in order to win a point; rather, we try to understand what others are saying and to sense how they are feeling.
Careful listeners are "active listeners."  Before responding with their own opinion or story, careful listeners feed back or paraphrase what they sense others are feeling and saying.  They know that not every verbal encounter needs to be a debate, and not every jaunt down the highway needs to be a race to the exit.
     Yielding to others is difficult for people who are bent on winning or controlling.   But nonviolence is precisely about yielding control and power. It;s not yielding our dignity and letting others abuse or violate us.  Rather, it's the yielding of the need to always be in charge.

--Jim McGinnis, from A Call to Peace